"Love! Do you know the meaning of the word?" 'How should I not?' said the Lady, 'I am in love...in Love Himself.'
~C.S. Lewis
The Great Divorce

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


I've written on this blog and other places before about suffering. Generally, I've taken a spiritual and academic approach to it. The posts are filled with quotes from Jesus, Simone Weil, and many other mystics. And there is always talk about finding ways to unite our pain to that of the suffering Lord Jesus, in order that the suffering which we endure becomes, in some way, redemptive.

But tonight's different. Tonight I am tired, battered, unsure of so many things, feeling sort of friendless, and feeling rather like a failure. The suffering is real and it hurts. I know all the Christian answers to the problem of evil-and I genuinely believe them. But for the moment, hope is absent. Dreams and wishes are crushed by the weight of reality. My desire to do anything but sit on my bed is small. I can't remember a time where I literally felt I was dragging myself to work, forcing myself to eat, for three straight days.

I usually shy away from writing things that include excessive use of the words "seem" or "feel", but as I said, tonight's different. Nothing much else is coming to mind.


  1. I have been where you are over the last few months and knowing the answers in your head and feeling them in your heart and soul are sometimes two different things. I don't want to give advice, just good thoughts and to let you know to surround yourself with the love of friends and family. Love you :)